I went shopping. For shoes. Six months ago. I went shopping. For pants. A couple of months ago.
I was not born to shop. I shop out of necessity and I only shop for clothes and footwear when I absolutely have to – because some people get offended by those who walk around in tattered clothing and hungry shoes. Yeah, okay, I’ll admit it. I won’t feel comfortable wearing my “tatters” to work anyway, so . . . I have to shop. But I really don’t like it.
No need for me to keep telling you that I’m bad at this, right? Being finicky about what I want to wear, and how much I want to spend, probably doesn’t help either. The prices of clothes and shoes really surprises me sometimes – not in a good way! How two bits of fabric, barely enough to cover essential body parts, can cost more than something which will cover a whole body, is beyond me. It just doesn’t seem logical. Here’s a quick rundown of how I usually approach a shopping expedition.
Lets start with shoes. First; I’m not a fan of getting my toes squashed for the sake of fashion. Second; I don’t believe in tormenting the balls of my feet for the sake of wearing high heels. Third; in my line of work I sometimes need to walk a lot, which is not fun in “fashionable” (a.k.a. pointy, with/without high heels) shoes. Fourth; there is a lot of static electricity build-up in my office, which makes shoes with rubber soles a must. Even if I wanted fashion, I’ve never seen a fashionable shoe that is also practical – so I settled for practical. I bought walking boots. Again.
Clothes are a little more tricky and a lot more frustrating to buy. Seriously. I’m doomed to wander the clothing stores in the mall/s for days, if not weeks, before finding something I’d buy . . .and wear. First; I do a lot of climbing, squatting down, crawling under (or through), during my workday, but I can never predict when, so pencil skirts (or any other type of skirt for that matter) are out of the question. Second; because of the unpredictable need to crawl and squat, tight-fitting, or hipster-style, pants/slacks won’t cut it. Third; when I eat I want my food to make it all the way to my stomache. I don’t want it playing jack-in-the-box, or Lost. So I finally found some pants, made from a soft denim material. They are loose-fitting and very comfortable. Who needs fashion anyway?! I bought three pairs.
What I didn’t realise at the time is that I actually bought smart pants. No, really! They are literally smart! I keep tripping over my own feet and when I look down, my boot laces are undone. And I didn’t do it! It’s been happening since the first day I started wearing my new pants – it can’t be a coincidence, right? I mean, the only other thing I bought were new laces for the boots, and I’m pretty sure they are not that smart.