a theory: the cause of anger

One expects it to be the big things that cause a person to lose one’s temper or control. Not so! It is the little things that do it, almost every time!

art by: creagan-an-fhithich.deviantart.com

What are the main causes of friction between people? Morality, ethics, health, money, politics, religion, respect . . . There are too many to name. It is a fact of life that no two people are exactly the same – which makes it doubtful that any two people will have exactly the same values attached to friction-elements or BPRs (a.k.a. Blood pressure rev’ers).

In the general course of life, we focus a lot of attention on the biggest BPRs as they are the most obvious and recognisable. The things we feel the strongest about are also the things we are most up front about – at least, I am. When you talk to / have a conversation with someone, odds are that you will let the other person know, one way or another, about your big BPRs. There is, of course, no guarantee that the other person will pick up on it, but you will put it out there and feel more in control. That’s the key. Control. You are ready, prepared to handle whatever happens next. Odds are that the big BPRs will be avoided, unless the other person feels more or less the same way.

It is easy to forget the small BPRs because those are the ones we manage, right? Think again my friend! The small ones manage us, especially if we don’t pay attention to them. After all, they are only little irritating things that happen on a regular basis, most often when you live or work with other people. So what do we do? We flap an imaginary hand at an imaginary “fly”, silence our objections by ignoring them, all for the sake of working in harmony or to live in peace. Small BPRs remind me of creeper plants. When left to grow unchecked it can become a big, wild, ugly mess.

Now I want to refer to the small BPRs as creepers. And I want to try to manage them before they take over. My new approach, albeit theoretically, to anger management is this:

  • Accept – I am different. I can’t be like anybody else. Everybody can’t be like me and it really is not fair to expect them to be.
  • Take control – identify and recognise those creepers.
  • Speak up – put the small BPRs out there, let people know that there is a problem. It doesn’t have to turn into a debate or argument, just a tactfully worded statement of fact.
  • Maintain control – remember the real value you placed on a specific creeper and decide if it is worth it to get worked up about it.

Edited. Originally published: 07.11.2010

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8 thoughts on “a theory: the cause of anger

  1. I TOTALLY disagree…. 😉 Mwah-hah-haah! Nah, not really.
    I think I have managed most of my creepers. The ones I can’t manage – I try and avoid. As they are usually attached to the presence of certain other people I find that I can actually manage that too!
    Cool post, got me thinking!

    • Well, as long as it got you thinking, you are allowed to disagree, Lu 😉 🙂

      In my line of work it isn’t really possible / realistic to do the avoidance thing – but I sometimes give it a shot.

  2. Agree with Wendy – very thought-provoking post indeed, Riekie. I too have these creepers… they are so insidious, they kinda sneak up on you when you are distracted or your defences are low… and before you know it, the adrenaline’s already surging through the blood, going “HEY! Stand up and fight!”

    As to avoiding them – definitely not easy, and it uses up energy and requires constant watchfulness, which is tiring.

    Best to deal with them – start by recognising them when they’ve been triggered, learn to recognise the triggers before the irritation/anger starts, notice that split-second of choice – to give in to the anger, or not… and be gentle with yourself, give yourself a pat on the back when you succeed in not letting the anger run away with you like a steam train! 🙂

  3. I’m a haven for ‘creepers’ at the moment! Seems like everything and anything can set me off – or maybe it’s just the Big ‘M’ that’s made a big bang entry! A great post CM! It really resonated with me with everything’s that’s happening in Life right now. And Control is the key…but easier said than done I’m afraid. Certainly for me!

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