Ten Sensitive Ways to Break-Up with Another Blogger

Friend Steve over at The Brown Road Chronicles wrote a very sensitive post about breaking other bloggers’ hearts. I just had to share it here at my place too!

The Brown Road Chronicles

An unfortunate dynamic of blogging is that sometimes we have to break-up with another blogger with whom we have developed a blogging relationship. I’ve broken up with several bloggers in the last few years and many more have broken up with me. The usual technique that bloggers employ is the Vanish Method – just stop reading, stop leaving comments on posts and stop clicking the “like” button.  In extreme cases, the blogger might even spend three to four hours digging through their WordPress Dashboard trying to actually figure out how to un-follow a blogger that they are no longer interested in following. But this method is very boorish and inconsiderate and leaves the “victim” of the break-up sadly wondering where their friend has gone and if it was something that they wrote that might have caused this animosity in the relationship.

So, with that in mind, here’s ten sensitive break-up…

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dream, dream, dreeaaeam

I never really thought about it, but a person actually dreams in more ways than one.

The most familiar form of dreaming is when we are in a state of rest – what the experts call REM sleep.  Think about it.  Where do you go, what do you do, what do you experience when you are in dreamland?  There are so many connotations assigned to the perception of what and why we dream.  We might want to escape into a reality where we made better choices.  Or where our “bad” choices had better outcomes.  While in dream state we might actually be communicating in a higher, freer plain of existence.  Some of us may think of a dream as a message, a forewarning of what is to come.  A prediction of sorts.

The other form of dreaming is born from somewhere else.  The hankering to be more.  To make a difference.  It is the kind of dream I would refer to as a “life-dream”.  But how would one define a “life-dream”?  Or wait, a better question might be:  Should a “life-dream” be limited by a definition?.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”.  It is probably safe to assume that this question falls under the “life-dream” category.  It is also the question most often asked of young minds.  As children we see a hero at least once.  It might be a doctor or a nurse who helped heal a loved one.  It might be a policeman who helped your family out of a jam.  A veterinarian who saved your dear pet.  A fireman who rushed into a burning building to safe a total stranger or someone you know.  A teacher.  The list goes on.

There should be more questions under the “life-dream” category I think.  How often do we think to ask them?  Maybe we don’t ask them because we assume that a young mind is just that – too young to understand the question.  That might well be true. So we focus on the one question that everyone asks and everyone answers.  Isn’t there danger that choices will be ruled by the answer to that lone question?

In my opinion questions train us to search for answers.  Our brains work harder to find solutions, the truth… our truth.  It even helps with emotional growth.

So, what questions would you file under the “life-dream” category?  Here are some I would add.

* Who do you want to be as a person?

* Where would you like to live when you are a grown-up?

* Do you want to focus on only one career?

Who can say when a life-dream will be born?  Or what a person’s life-dream(s) will be?  It is different for everyone.   Some of us dream big, some dream small.  Some think they have no dream at all.  It is all a matter of perception and opinion.

One can never be too young or too old to start dreaming.

a prospective property owner’s … dream?

Driving sedately through a quiet neighbourhood with a butterfly-stomach and a racing mind seems somehow at odds.

And then there is only this vague sense of knowing the destination of this trip. Rounding a corner, further up the street an assortment of vehicles are visible. Yeah, okay this is it. Climbing out of the car seems like a great effort. The heavy rhythm of a bouncing heart is not helping. Something doesn’t feel right. But… Dad’s car is here too. This must be mine. My property. My house. Finally!

Heartened by the thought I walk to the open front door with a lighter step. Wait! The feeling of doom returns. What am I missing here? Entering the house, to the right I encounter a wall. My mind scramble to try and make sense of it. There shouldn’t be a wall. The house has an open plan design. Right? I creep a little forward to look into the room. Tiles, a horrendous shade of pink, unevenly spaced, decorate the opposite wall. To the left… shouldn’t there be a kitchen? But that is an open bathroom – no walls, no doors. A tingle start at the back of my neck and render the rest of my body momentarily motionless. What is going on here?!

Finally going to explore the rest of the building I find a tiny, tiny space which seems to be the kitchen at the back of the open bathroom. No-no-no-no! This can’t be right. The rest of the place is all nooks and crannies too. Hearing voices outside I turn around and storm back out the front door. My Dad is talking with a guy. The builder?

Time seems to pick up speed as I confront the builder guy – demanding to see the house plans. BECAUSE! This is not what I wanted!! This is not… I look at the house plans and it is exactly the same as the house behind me. What?! And why isn’t the plans signed off – no signatures, no stamps? Was this even approved?! Searching frantically over the paper my eye catches the number of the plot noted on it. Hey! HEY!

It isn’t mine! IT. IS. NOT. MINE!

scary house

scary house (Photo credit: Janek Kloss)

I wake up, my heart still pounding, my mind and body weighted down with relief!

Phew!  That was a close call.

living with the Spring-clean’d consequence

I did this thing. It is called “spring cleaning”. I did not do it today, or yesterday. Nope, I did it a few years ago. This weekend it hit me hard, and I’ll tell you why.

You see, I inherited something from my father. Don’t know if it is genetic or just a bad habit. It has to do with storing anything and everything that isn’t totally useless, because you never know – it just might come in handy one day. There is a big drawback to this though. My dad has space to store his ‘collectors items’ and I always lived in a room or small flat which has limited storage. I also moved a lot at one stage, which is a drag at the best of times and more so when you have to transport a lot of ‘collectors items’.

Yes, you can see where this is going. After struggling to make room for myself between boxes of stuff I made a choice. The next time I had to move I had to sit myself down, go through all my collected items and decide on the odds of me ever needing any of it in the future. It was NOT an easy task. If you’ve spend years doing things one way, it takes real willpower to change it. So I sat myself down and went through everything. No surprise that I couldn’t even remember where I got half the stuff I had accumulated over the years, or why I thought it might come in handy one day.

It was tough. Tough to decide what to keep and what not. Because really, what does define a keepsake item? Is there really a criteria one can apply? And here is a certain truth – you are bound to throw something away and will only realize years later that you made a mistake. A big mistake!

That is what hit me this weekend. I threw something away and when I realized it this weekend I felt like bawling my eyes out.  It is not so much that it had sentimental value as that it was a lot of hard work and ideas. Something I spent months on doing. It was a manuscript people! If you’ve ever tried to write something like a book you will realize how deep my sorrow is at this loss. Because this manuscript was rejected and was left gathering dust, I decided to throw it out . . . and start over. I haven’t been able to finish another one since. It’s funny. I only just realized that!

So turning over a new leaf to a minimalistic life-style wreaked a little havoc in my life, without me even realizing it. When you do Spring Cleaning, be careful what you ban to the garbage bin.

05/10/10